The Edith Stein Project talks online

My summer continues to be rich and full of dear visitors (my sister came this past weekend!), new volunteer activities, and a busy work slate. Lots going on, but I still enjoy my periodic downtime when I can surf the blogsphere...although I usually don't have enough energy by that point to actually post something!

Something that I thought you readers might enjoy is checking out the talks from the 2011 "Edith Stein Project" held at Notre Dame, February 11-12. I had heard about this conference last minute thought it sounded really neat. The topic for this year's conference was "Irreplaceable You: Vocation, Identity, and the Pursuit of Happiness." Since I wasn't able to go in person, I was thrilled to find that some of the talks online. I would love to make my way through all of the talks. So far have listened to two, which I would love to share here.

The first one is a talk by Dorothy Cummings McLean (aka, "Seraphic Singles author): “Waiting for Your Marching Orders: Staying Sane while Single." I am a huge fan of her blog, and thorough enjoyed watching her talking online! It was delightful! She is just as good of a speaker as she is a writer. I would recommend this talk to any of you singles out there, wondering how you can live your life fully as beautifully while you are in the single state. I would also recommend it to anyone who knows single people. (Translate, everyone). It will help you understand the unique struggles that the single person faces and in turn, how you can best encourage them and challenge them along their current journey.

Dorothy Cummings McLean: “Waiting for Your Marching Orders: Staying Sane while Single" from NotreDameIdentityProject on Vimeo.

Additionally, the other day I watched the talk by Catherine Pakaluk: "Being Mary in a Martha World: Edith Stein on What Women Want." I thought that this provided an exceptional analysis of the vocation of women and the question of careers, motherhood, and vocation discernment. Dr. Pakaluk discusses Edith Stein's writings the vocation of women and the nuances involved in considering work/life balances for women. One of the best discussions of this topic that I have heard yet!

Catherine Pakaluk: "Being Mary in a Martha World: Edith Stein on What Women Want" from NotreDameIdentityProject on Vimeo.

I hope some of you find the time to watch some of these. I would love to hear your feedback, too! There is lots of fodder for discussion within both of these videos!

Musings

Sometimes I forget that part of the "style" of blogging is informal and unstructured, and so on days like today, where my focus is in several different directions, I can just list some reflections. These may or may not be related. Here goes:

1. This Sunday, the priest at Mass talked about the Ascension (we celebrated it here in Nashville on the Sunday, instead of Thursday), and focused on how before the Ascension, Christ instructs his disciples to "teach them to observe all that I have commanded you." The priest connected this with the importance for parents to provide good catechises to their children. He talked about how a parent asked a bishop (or priest, I can't remember the exact details), "When does the catechises of a child begin?" and the bishop responded, "12 years before the child is born." In his homily, the priest continued to talk about how the foundations of faith are laid long before the child is born; to the extent that the future parents form themselves spiritually and live a life of virtue 12 years leading up to the birth of their child, this is preparation of how they will catechise their child.

I thought this was a really fascinating reflection. Obviously, within the spiritual life, one must take into account the reality of continual conversion, and even if a parent has only just become serious about their faith in the past few years, they can still provide invaluable catechises for their children. But it really spoke to me as a reminder that the way I am living my life right now, is not just what I am doing for myself in this moment, but is forming me for what I will be called to give and teach in the future, in whatever capacity God sees fit. It was a really encouraging realization, that by cultivating the gifts and virtues and spiritual life to which God is calling me now, He is equipping me for something that I could be doing 12 years down the road for which this period of formation was integral.

2. Ok, that was longer than random thought, huh? On the note of singleness, in the past week I have learned that 3 of my good friends, with whom I had lost touch, are now in serious relationships. I am thrilled that they dating, and it does offer some hope - if they have found good matches after this (seemingly long) time, maybe there is hope for the rest of us. But there was also the reaction after hearing there updates, that this "us" of single people is a smaller and smaller group of friends, and there is always the fear that I will be one of the last ones to pair off. The smaller the singles fraction gets, the harder it is some days to be ok with this state of life. But I guess one must trust that with great crosses comes great grace.

3. And on the note of dating, a different friend, one who lives in Tennessee, met her boyfriend randomly at Krogers. They seem to be a very well-suited couple. My 9pm runs to Publix grocery store confirm this hypothesis to be true: meeting a cute, single guy at the grocery store later on a weeknight evening might just be the best place to meet a beau. ;-)

4. I had a really wonderful birthday, thanks to some wonderful friends and relatives who showered me with birthday greetings and made me feel very spoiled on my birthday. Although I was not as excited to turn 26 as I was to turn 25 (I really did think 25 was a cool age), I was not as traumatized to turn 26 as I was to turn 24. Go figure.

5. About a week before my birthday, I began getting more reflective and nostalgic about life. This song was on the radio, and it really moved me. I had heard it before, but in this moment I just felt like it was a word from the Father, telling me that this should be the "theme song" for me as I begin this next year of life. When I look at my life, I have so much to be grateful for. Although those who know me know that I can get sidetracked by discouragement and pessimism, I know deep down that I have been abundantly blessed, and I am beginning to believe more in the blessings of even the deepest mysteries and crosses in my life. This year has especially been evident of the glory God has manifested in my life in the way He has provided for me so evidently and so tenderly. When I heard this song, the line that struck me the most was "You ain't seen nothing yet / you ain't seen nothing yet / you aint seen nothing yet / open your eyes", and the way that God was calling me to believe that line with my whole being. We are called to recognize His manifestations of glory in our lives, but not to stop there. We must believe that His glory will continue to penetrate our lives in even deeper and more profound ways; this is the foundation on which hope lies, and in which our heart finds peace.

Married mamas: what would you say?

I have spoken often about the fact that generally speaking, single people have much more disposable time on their hands than their married (and child-rearing) counterparts. While some singles are better at filling up their time with commitments more quickly than others, the question beckons for me: how do I best use this time?

Now that it is summer session, my work schedule has changed from 9-5 to 8-4, and I find myself with even more free time in the evening hours. So, how do I most prudently and fruitfully spend my time, especially my alone time?

Learning new skills, like learning new cooking techniques? Or perhaps getting involved in more service opportunities? Reading some more of those classic books that I have been wanting to read? Or maybe I should take the road least traveled (at least in my life, haha), of cleaning and tidying around my house with greater precision.

I realize that this abundance of time is quite a gift, and one that a great many people are not fortunate to have. Additionally, I often think about the time and flexibility that a single person has as a time for cultivation. It is a time where we can cultivate our gifts and passions in a more focused way, and allow these pursuits to form our character for whatever long-range plan God has for us.

So as I was pondering my 'free-time' as I arrived home from work this afternoon, I began to wonder. When (if) I get married and have children, what sorts of things will I wish that I had focused on more during these years, hours, and minutes of availability? What things will I be grateful that I focused on and cultivated? What will make me a better person, and bring grace, peace, and joy into my heart?

And so I pose the question to any of you married women out there, as well of any of you mothers out there. (Not sure that I have all that many mothers that follow my blog, considering that I focus on topics of the single life, but I might have a few. :-) What would you tell to the single ladies that you know who have extra time on their hands? What skills to pursue? What opportunities to seize? What will form us to be the women God wants us to become?

Surrender on a Saturday

Is letting yourself be
exhausted from the week,
whether exhaustion comes from a grueling pace or
a gruelingly distracted mind.
Is accepting the imperfection of what is,
and the unrevealed of what is to come.
Is recognizing the empty of an apartment as calm
echoing.
Is allowing yourself to be who you are
without self-censure.
Is looking the stagnancy in the eye and
hoping for a flicker of light.
Is grasping for momentary gratification, but knowing that this way will only fall short
of the Way.
Is wondering, wondering, longing, accepting, structuring, tidying, accomplishing, hypothisizing, tiptoeing, insisting, believing, obeying, resting,
pushing through, finding yourself
in Something greater.

The single person splurge

There is a fine line in the life of a single person between indulgence and frugality, frivolty and penny-pinching. I, myself, feel like I am often teetering on that line, usually leaning further towards the former rather than the latter. Today when I was grocery shopping in Trader Joes, I found a great saute mix of pre-cut peppers, onions, carrots, and seasonings for a swell price. This was a perfect buy for the single person, I thought, because it was just the right portion size, for a few meals so I could eat it before it went bad.

Then I passed the steak. "Hmm," I began to think. "These steak tips would be great with the saute vegetables." I thought. But when I discovered that the price was $8.50 or more, depending on the package, I had second thoughts. I rarely buy steak for myself, because it just isn't practical. But with the beautiful 70 degree, sunny weather outside, it just put me in the perfect mood for a steak saute.

I went back and forth in my mind, trying to figure out if I could justify buying the steak or not. I reckoned that it would probably last at least 3 meals for me, which wouldn't be that bad of a deal. Suddenly I just had this conviction (or my stomach did?) that I should buy the steak. Not just because I wanted to eat the steak, but I felt like it would be important as a single person to create a delicious, enjoyable meal in my own kitchen every once in awhile that was a special treat. Perhaps I am overly trying to justify myself, but I think there is something to the act of treating yourself every once in awhile for the sake of festivity (in this case, Easter festivity) and to enjoy God's culinary bounty. It affirms God's gifts, and it affirms the fact that you are worth buying a special treat to delight in every so often. It's all about storing up simple joys, such as taking the time to buy, prepare, and enjoy a more indulgent meal.

I made my steak saute for dinner tonight. It was delicious -- a real treat and a great way to end a beautiful late spring day!

Resting in God's mercy

I think that anxiety about the future is a feeling we all experience. I know I experience this. Just when I am think I am comfortable and content with a situation or state in life, I begin to think to myself, "Ok, so, I am comfortable now, but what about in 5 years? I have no idea what I will be doing 5 years from now!" How cunning the enemy is: how he knows this will rob us of our peace.

I have definitely found myself to get caught up in this anxiety about the future, and in certain seasons of my life, this has been a more constant burden. Thankfully, as I am still getting settled and riding along the adventure of moving to a new city and having a new job, I don't experience this preoccupation with the future as much. I have enough adjustment and challenges to keep me busy now! But I have noticed that sometimes, the less I have to worry about figuring out in the present moment, the more room I have for anxiety about the future.

And so, as I caught myself on multiple occasions falling prey to this trap of the enemy lately, I have begun to strategize a response. When I begin to start becoming preoccupied by the "what ifs?" "what then?" "when, Lord?", I have felt the Lord calling me to reject these preoccupations, and simply rest in the joy and the gift of the present moment. It's ok if I don't know what the path of my future holds; none of us do. My faithfulness and peace is dependant on how fully I am able to surrender to the now. It's dependant on me placing my little heart in His big hands, and to rest, truly rest, in each moment given to me by the Lord.

Singles and being busy

I think that it is a well known fact that of all the adult population, singles generally have the most "disposable" amount of time on their hands, and freedom to schedule their days on a whim. Most young adult singles, I think, manage to fill up their schedules pretty quickly, sometimes very much stretching themselves thin.

When I lived in Washington, D.C., I was very busy. Much busier than I am now. Some of this had to do with having an established group of friends, and living in a city where there were formal and informal events for Catholic young adults nearly every night of the week. I have gotten involved in the young adult group here in Nashville which is wonderful and has been such a blessing to me, but overall, there are not as many events here, and even informal gatherings are more spread out.

Some of my busyness also had to do with the frenetic pace of life in such a big city, particularly the length of my 1-hour-each-way commute. With a blissfully short 5-minute commute here in Nashville, I definitely have much more time on my hands during the week. Weekends are also less busy, since I don't have family around to spend Saturdays or Sundays with; there are less opportunities to carve out time during the weekend to spend time with family.

This being "less busy" can be both a blessing, and a curse. In many ways, as a single with free time on your hands, especially if you live alone, inevitably leads to more feelings of loneliness.

One of my friends, who is a very active extrovert, says that she specifically plans lots of activities and gets involved with lots of different groups, charities, and commitments just so she does not have to be at her apartment alone to experience the pangs of loneliness.

In some ways, I absolutely understand the rationale of planning out every minute of your day, particularly the weekends, to be filled with "something" so that you are so distracted that you forget your are lonely and longing for something more.

There is something to be said for making the most of your time; for using the gift of time that we have been given to reach out to others and touch those in need. I myself am looking for more ways to get connected with the community here; to find organizations and individuals that are in need that I can reach out to on a regular basis. I think that serving is a calling and a duty for everyone, but as singles we have to be especially creative and motivated to find the specific niches to which the Lord is calling.

But I do not think that the anecdote to our loneliness should or can be frenetically busy schedules. I truly admire singles who are able to take the time and courage to just be. With themselves. With the Lord. It takes courage to hear the echoes within our solitary hearts, and these moments of loneliness are moments that can be transformed from pain into grace.

In the end, I think that it is important that all of us, no matter what state of life that we are in, that we strive for a life of balance. As singles, who do have the luxury of having more free time but I think that it is a responsibility for us to cultivate moments of meditation, silence, and rest in order that our active lives might be more fruitful and intentional. Obviously, for the amount of time spent in activities versus rest will depend on our temperaments and preferences. Finding that balance is a challenge, though, and one that can only be reached through prayer, reflection, and receptivity to the Holy Spirit.

For those who wait

I had a very lovely Valentine's Day. Although it didn't include a romantic date with the man of my dreams, it did include a delightful dinner party with a few other single young ladies that I have met through work and the young adult group here. Thanks to my friend Joannie who hosted the dinner, we had a wonderful evening of delicious Italian food, and chocolate, and chocolate, and strawberries, and chocolate and just all around good fellowship. I am so grateful for the wonderful gals in my life, old and new, who have become dear friends and have inspired and encouraged me tremendously.

It was poignant though, because as I was driving to this dinner party, this song came on the Christian radio station. I hadn't been emotional at all during the day. I generally am not on Valentine's Day, because I am one of those people that thinks it's more of a commercial holiday than anything else.

The very first line of this song caught me off guard though, and then reached the core of me: "This is for those who wait."

I thought of myself, waiting. I thought of my friends I was going to spend the evening with, and all of my friends across the US, truly lovely and incredible ladies, who are also "those who wait." I was touched, thinking of the courage that these women exude, even in the midst of great uncertainty, in the midst of waiting on the Lord to bring the right man into their lives, in the midst of their heroic patience, in the midst of their supplications to the Lord, in the midst of their surrender to His will. I truly felt like this song was speaking to us.

This is for those who wait.

Soups: A perfect winter meal for the single girl

flickr/ by suavehouse113

Anyone else who is single knows how difficult and often unmotivating it can be to cook for yourself. I love cooking but it's hard to find recipes that feature a variety of ingredients that I won't get tired of before the dish goes bad. I discovered last winter how perfect soups are for the single person. First of all, you can find soup recipes for every taste -- vegetable-based, meat-based, poultry-based, with a Mexican flair, Indian flair, you name it! Recipes usually call for a variety of ingredients, but often inexpensive ingredients.

Plus, you get the whole warm, cozy experience of preparing the ingredients, melding them together in one pot, and smelling the spicy steam waft through your house for a good hour or more. Making soup is just a comforting experience that is bound to warm your home and your heart on a cold winter day.

The best part is that by making a big pot of soup, you have your lunches for the week! Make it once, and simply bring small containers to work each day to heat in the microwave and you are set! I really enjoy soup in the wintertime, so this is one meal that I don't seem to get tired of eating, especially if I rotate recipes.

Here is one of my all time favorite soup recipes. It's simple, very inexpensive, healthy and SO delicious: Persian Lentil Soup.

Bon Appetit!

Celebrating the Single Life -- a book by Susan Annette Muto

I am currently reading a fabulous, captivating book. It's called "Celebrating the Single Life" by Susan Annette Muto. I picked it up at the library where I work, because the title piqued my interest immediately. I am always looking for inspirational reads to shed light on this state of life in which I find myself, hoping to gain new insight from others who have walked this road and strength for the journey.

In Muto's book, I have not only found insight and strength, but also a new found and genuine joy.

While the dated cover of this book (it was written in 1985) made me skeptical of it's relevance, I have been so pleasantly surprised at the depth of wisdom that Muto imparts. When I actually finish the book, I want to write a book review on IOG, but for now I want to share some of my favorite quotes as I read them.

I can honestly say that this is one of the most refreshing items that I have read on the topic of Catholic/Christian single life. Why? Because most things that I had read focus on helping the reader to cope with being single; most authors and speakers on this topic treat singleness as a transitory phase to be remedied as quickly as possibly, even if they do not explicitly state this. Granted, singleness is a transitory phase for most people, but there are a small few who God calls to the single life for a lifetime. Whether or not one wants to be single, there are beautiful callings unique within the life of a single person which deserve to be acknowledged and celebrated.

What Muto does in this book is describe what it means to live the single vocation not as simply a deprivation of some other good (such as marriage or family), but as it's own beautifully dignified state of life. Some of her insights on the special duties, responsibilities, gifts, and characteristics of the life of a single person are aspects that I had never even thought of before. However, as I read each chapter, it's like I am internally nodding my head, thinking "That makes so much sense! Of course that is one of the unique gifts of the single person!"

For example,

"This option to live in tune with reality in a more reflective way has to be chosen at some point by single persons. They simply have more time to confront life's limit's and possibilities than does the person who is committed to family or institutional life. This confrontation with reality happens in common ways. For instance, because there is no one face to whom the single person is bound by marriage, he or she may perceive more sharply the faces of other people. I walk along a busy street or sit observing travelers in a station, aware of the emotional scars on their lines faces. Life's limits are written there for one who takes the time to read them. So too are life's small, fleeting joys as revealed in moments of reunion. "

Stay tuned for more!

Maria's sidenote: Just a little disclaimer...although it seems as though Muto is solidly Catholic overall, at some points in her book she seems to be a little more liberal leaning. Just thought I should mention that -- I would still recommend that all Catholic singles check out this book for its pearls of wisdom.

Emmanuel: Why Christmas is a big deal for single people

On my last blog, Contemplative in the City, I wrote at length about the cross that is present in the lives of single young adults: the cross of loneliness.

Whether you are searching for a spouse, still discerning your vocation, or just plain not sure what direction you are headed, the experience of loneliness is a daily reality for us singles. The challenge is to figure out how the Lord wants to bring fruit out of your solitude; and bring peace in and through this cross.

A week or two ago when I was driving home from work and thinking about the Advent season, I suddenly had a very convicting realization.

Emmanuel means God is with us. He came down from heaven to be one of us. To live amongst us and to love us. His identity as Emmanuel didn't end with the Ascension. He said to His apostles as He says to us, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20).

If we really, truly, believe this, our lives could be radically transformed. We are not alone. He has come to love us with the only love that will truly fulfill us. He wants to walk beside us, to come into our hearts and to live in union with Him.

Certainly, as human persons who are communal beings, we will always desire the friendship and love of other human persons. This is a good and holy desire. But these seasons, or in some peoples' cases, lifetimes of loneliness allow us to recognize that greater hunger more clearer; beckoning us to draw ever closer to the Lover of our souls.

If we take this to heart, that Emmanuel is coming, and truly internalize it, we will see that this Good News indeed.

He comes to each of us, the only answer to our fundamental loneliness. As singles, we have the opportunity to sense this ever more acutely.

So in this last week of Advent when we say "O come, O come Emmanuel", think about what Emmanuel really means, and how the Good News of Christmas has the power to transform your life. Come to the manger with your big dreams, your dashed hopes, your daily trials, your echoing heart.

Let us prepare Him room.